Carer thrives on laughter
Carol and Karen "We do everything together"
Carol Longwill is doing it tough like so many other carers who have to be on deck seven days a week, 24 hours a day, all year round, year after year. There are very few opportunities to take a break for more than a few hours at any time because the person they care for needs constant care. That's the reality.
Carol's life revolves around her daughter, Karen, who is 31 and has had an intellectual disability since birth. There's been no one to share the carer role since 1988.
While every day is different, the one thing that is constant is the bond between mother and daughter.
"Karen has her ups and downs, but most of the time she's tender, sweet and loving. We do a lot of reaffirming our love for each other. She tells me how much she loves me and I tell her how much I love her. She also does nice things like get me a cup of tea, turn down my bed and give me a foot massage. She can be a great companion."
"One day I had a bad migraine and I was zonked out on the bed. Karen made me a cuppa but I didn't wake up for two hours. I rolled over and saw this thing on the cup. It turned out to be the inner sole from my shoe. Karen put it on top of the cup to keep my cuppa warm. I still laugh about it."
Living in the same household also means sharing personal space that can become a little crowded.
"Karen likes us to do everything together. Wherever I go she goes; wherever I sit she sits. She won't go to bed until I go."
Karen has a great sense of humour and can be quite the comedian with funny sayings and quick answers that make her sound very mature.
"She comes out with some funny things and we have a laugh."
For Carol, having a sense of humour is the key to getting through any day, especially when Karen has a mood swing for no apparent reason.
"Recently I took Karen to the respite centre where she goes once a month. She was quite happy until we got there. She started shaking her head and next thing she kicked the windscreen and broke it."
"When she's like that she knows she's doing the wrong thing and she's remorseful later on, but when she's in a rage she can't stop. The worst outburst lasted 24 hours."
Once a month Carol joins other carers for coffee at a shopping centre and they chat, swap stories and recharge their sanity.
Carol and her fellow carers were all once members of the Carers' Revival Group that Carol helped to start. Unfortunately, the work and time involved in producing regular newsletters and organising social outings was too much for Carol and she has stepped back from that role.
"My advice to anyone who finds themselves in a carer's role is to value your needs as a carer and learn how to relax and take time out for yourself. You should also join a group of carers for moral support and to have a good laugh.Last updated November 2007