An act of love, not duty
A caring spouse is also a full-time carer dedicated to giving his best to his wife of 30 years.
Caring is a partnership just like any other for Graham and Helen Emery, who every day show how rewarding caring for others can be.
This year Helen marked 40 years of living with multiple sclerosis (MS) and her husband, Graham, has been firmly by her side throughout their 30-year marriage.
"Because of the insidious nature of MS, the move from caring spouse to full-time carer happened over time," Graham says.
Formerly an air traffic controller, Graham is now retired and works as Helen's full-time carer.
"The role of carer is enacted out of love, not duty," he says.
Graham and Helen Emery see caring as a partnership like any other.
Graham assists Helen, a part-time teacher's aide in Redcliffe, north of Brisbane, with numerous daily tasks, particularly now she is a wheelchair user.
He sees his role as carer as a full-time job with all the responsibilities and commitments that entails. He also believes caring comes with its own unique rewards.
"The milestones you share may be different to 'normal' but nonetheless they should be recognised for what they are and celebrated," he says. "As a carer you see how you can make any experience you and your loved one want to happen, not what can prevent it from happening."
Despite Helen and Graham's positive attitudes towards their caring relationship, they are open about the trials they face together.
"The most challenging aspect is seeing the person you love not being able to achieve all the things they would wish to," Graham says.
Overcoming challenges is not something Graham and Helen have achieved alone. Graham's strongest advice to other carers is to tap into support networks of family, friends, local communities and disability organisations.
Helen also benefits from a wide caring network.
"Our two children and their partners support me by including me in their active lives and careers," she says.
Graham is also grateful for the involvement of friends and family in supporting him as a carer. Thanks to the assistance of others, Graham has been able to pursue his own interests, particularly sailing. His voyages to Noumea, Vanuatu and Fiji were made possible by the wives of sailing friends who cared for Helen while Graham was at sea.
"If you are not healthy, happy and fulfilled you cannot give of your best to the person you are caring for"
Graham and Helen believe that Graham taking time out to enjoy his hobby is essential to a successful caring partnership.
"If you are not healthy, happy and fulfilled you cannot give of your best to the person you are caring for," Graham says.
In November last year Helen celebrated her birthday with Graham and her extended family at Brisbane's New Farm Park and Southbank in Brisbane. It was the first time that Helen, with the assistance of her husband and carer, was able to enjoy a much-anticipated ride on a CityCat catamaran on the Brisbane River.
No doubt Helen and Graham's caring partnership will lead to more wonderful moments for both of them to share and celebrate.
For information about caring, phone Carers Queensland on 1800 242 636 or the Disability Information Service on 1800 177 120.
Last updated November 2007